Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
