I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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