Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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