bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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