I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
