Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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