Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
