Sry I called you an 8
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
