I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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