I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
