i will never coherently bang her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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