the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
