she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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