he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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