The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
