Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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