Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
