Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
