Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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