I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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