How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
