Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Still dying that you shit outside
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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