we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
