Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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