youre lurking in front of me
i just had sex bonerless
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
