some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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