Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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