i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
