The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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