I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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