I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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