it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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