Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
