id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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