Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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