i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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