I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We named our party play list daddy issues
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
