So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
