So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
