I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
