Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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