My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
