You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
