do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
