Sorry, I don't speak sober.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
