Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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