i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize