My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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