i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize