thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
