i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
