i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
