i need an iv and a liver transplant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
