At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
