Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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