I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
