Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
