I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
