I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My nipple is on Facebook.
Too much gin, very little bucket
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize