Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
