We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
