My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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