If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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