I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
